Emilia Clarke, who played the role of the dragon-riding queen Daenerys Targaryen in global phenomenon “Game of Thrones”, has spoken more about the horrid health condition she went through during the shooting. Clarke survived not just a brain surgery, but two; for years she carried a heavy and private burden of emotions. The actor acknowledged that she felt like she had cheated death at the Power of Women London show, hosted by Variety and Lifetime.At the Power of Women London event hosted by Variety & Lifetime, the actor said she had felt she had cheated death, and for many years, she thought death was coming for her.
The actor was joined at the event by Emma Corrin, Hannah Waddingham, Suki Waterhouse and Cynthia Erivo. However, it was her own voice that resonated with the audience the most. Clarke said she felt a weird feeling of guilt about the two life-saving missions she was involved in in 2011 and 2013. “For several years I felt that I had cheated death, and that death was catching up with me,” she said, “I also felt that it ruined my acting — and some people might say that. The self-deprecating humor that she displayed in that final line didn’t obscure the genuine sense of fear she endured.
For the first time in 2019, Clarke spoke publicly of her brain aneurysms and the surgeries she underwent. This was overwhelmingly answered by the fans and the strangers as well. By then she had discovered that she was not the only one. People who had survived brain injuries and strokes spoke candidly about what it had done to them, leaving them lost and confused. Her wave of connection in 2019 led to the establishment of the charity SameYou, which aims to increase access to rehabilitation for young adults who have suffered brain injuries. Clarke in her speech spoke of the painful reality of many survivors. “Today we have tens of thousands of survivors in our community saying essentially the same thing: the journey to healing is like falling off the edge of a cliff without anybody to catch you.”
The most human of all aspects of Clarke’s tale is the shyness, the private terror, of being broken after having survived something enormous. It is a strange space between gratitude and grief which anyone who has had a serious illness, or seen someone suffer, is aware of. You are alive, you’re not the same. You should be happy, but you’re afraid. Clarke spoke of a condition which is hard for patients and survivors to describe. The feeling of guilt for living, the fear that your body has let you down once and will do it again, the concern that you can’t do the work that you used to do. For her it was acting. For another person it could be raising children, operating a small business or simply a day at work without the uneasiness of their hands.
The recovery from brain aneurysm is not an easy path from a medical standpoint. The healing process of the brain can take months or even years and the emotional and psychological scars can be more profound than the physical. Both are risky and frightening procedures that Clarke had to undergo. She’s consistent in her dedication to the role and returned to “Game of Thrones” to perform some of the show’s most challenging moments—parts of her was thrown in the air, she spoke with dragons, and she could be heard with long speeches in invented languages. But she’s also shared when she had doubts. Has surgery affected her memory? Did it have any impact on her timing or ability to recall lines? She thought of these things over and over again.
Clarke’s use of her story is quiet. She didn’t go into hiding with private fear, she created a community. SameYou is not only about raising funds, it’s about raising awareness on a stage of recovery that hospitals are not always focusing on. You are discharged home after a head injury. The surgery has been completed. The physicians state you are healthy. But you’re not skinny. You are at home, alone, wondering what you were doing in the kitchen, or suffering from headache that you didn’t expect. That’s the cliff that Clarke speaks of. The fall occurs when the applause is over.
Any public story has its complexities, of course. There may be people who argue that having a rich celebrity who can afford to get access to the best neurosurgeons, can’t truly reflect what an ordinary person who doesn’t have the best health insurance, or perhaps the greatest family support system, can experience. It’s a valid argument. The anxieties might be similar, but so are not the sources. This is not something Clarke has ever denied. What she provides is visibility. She has brought the idea of surviving something horrible to be a failure to the forefront. She’s allowed other survivors to acknowledge that healing takes its time and is often messy and lonely.
