Hollywood actress Hayden Panettiere has been very open about the emotional challenges she faced along her life in the spotlight, showing how the appreciation and the approval of all, have been mutually tied since her childhood, and how she knew what it meant to love. The actress has recently shared her insights on how difficult she found it to deal with her mother’s love and the emotional toll of her youthful success in television and film.
Panettiere was a familiar name in Hollywood long before she hit her teenage years, at the age of 36. Many child actors face the entertainment industry at a young age, and, like her, went through the majority of childhood performing, impressing, and pleasing the public without realizing the emotional toll of constant scrutiny. Her achievements garnered recognition and opportunities, but also influenced her perception of love, acceptance and self-esteem.
As a child the actress said the praise she received gave her a lot of happiness and confidence. Those feelings, however, eventually grew into an emotional need to please those who were closest, particularly her mother, Lesley Vogel, who handled much of her career and finances during the early years in the business.
Talking about that time in her life, Panettiere quipped, “It was a sweet age for me—when I got that kind of praise I felt empowered and happy, but it was also about making my mother happy—that’s what mattered most to me, and being praised was associated with being loved.”
Her remarks reflect something that numerous former child star have talked about over the years. When one’s surroundings are full of applause and compliments from others, and professional success is already in sight so young, it can make lines between feelings and emotions get blurry. Children start to value themselves based on their achievements rather than who they are. In Panettiere’s case, the need for approval and acceptance began to be linked to family and job validation.
The actress delves into these personal experiences in her memoir, This Is Me: A Reckoning, which covers the themes of fame, family, motherhood, addiction, and emotional healing. The memoir doesn’t look polished as a celebrity narrative, but seems to be about the hard emotions of a career that was once considered to be “glamorous” from the outside.
Talking to her mother was important, because she was such a big part of forming her into her person,” Panettiere said. She was clear that this was not an attack on or humiliation of anyone in public, but rather it was a recounting of her experiences and her emotional reality.
“She’s a very complex person. And I know, I’m getting a lot of that from her, in a genetic sense. I don’t want to offend anybody, or drag anybody, or hurt anybody’s feelings, but I knew that if I’m not honest about my relationship with her, I’m not being honest at all. She’s a big part of the person that I am today.”
Those comments show honesty, empathy and conflicting feelings. Many people who think about their hard family relationships later in their life experience, have a hard time balancing out with truth and compassion. It is clear that Panettiere is aware of the positive and negative aspects of her childhood as well as the impact that these experiences had on her.
In Hollywood over the years there have been more and more discussions regarding child actors and mental health. Former youth sports stars often have talked about the emotional fatigue, parental and managerial pressure, lack of privacy and struggle to build a healthy sense of self while constantly being filmed and judged for performance. Panettiere’s reflections are a new take on the discussion.
The emotional thought in the story makes it very relatable. Love is something that is earned by achievement or praise or perfection—at least, that’s the perception that many people have, even outside of the entertainment industry. People can start to equate “liking” with “approval” in their academic, sporting, career and family lives. Panettiere’s candor about that emotional dynamic adds some humanity to her tale of celebrity.
The actress has also faced significant personal challenges in her career, such as a battle with mental illness and her journey through drug addiction. In recent years, she has been more open about healing, self awareness, and rebuilding her life after difficult times. Her openness about the painful times is part of a trend among celebrities to be open about uncomfortable times instead of keeping them private.
Panettiere is also a mother to her 9-year-old daughter Kaya, with whom she shares her bed with former partner Wladimir Klitschko. For many readers, the book will be a reflection of her own journey as a parent, as well as a journey to self-discovery and to escape from past emotional cycles.
